Kids are notorious for hating bedtime, and the battles and nighttime tantrums can turn even the sweetest days sour. Here, we look at expert strategies and suggestions to help parents tackle common bedtime challenges.
The Bedtime Challenge
When it comes to bedtime, many parents dream of sweet moments filled with snuggles and stories – but the reality can be a bit more of a nightmare. Whether your kid uses delaying tactics to stay up every night or they start screaming when you leave the room, bedtime battles can leave parents feeling demoralized and exhausted.
Common questions parents ask include:
- Why does my child need a bedtime – and when should it be?
- How can I get my kid to get ready for bed without arguing?
- What’s the best bedtime routine to help my child sleep?
Finding the Right Bedtime
Having a consistent bedtime for your kid not only lets them know what to expect from day to day, it also can help to normalize their circadian rhythms – so they’ll actually start to get sleepy every night around bedtime, and their sleep will be more restful.
How to Calculate Your Child’s Ideal Bedtime
Follow these steps to determine an appropriate bedtime:
- Determine Wake Time: Decide what time your child needs to wake in the morning to get ready and leave on time
- Calculate Sleep Needs: Figure out how many hours of sleep your child needs based on the American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommendations
- Find Target Sleep Time: Subtract the required hours of sleep from wake time to determine when your child needs to fall asleep
- Set Bedtime Routine Start: Work backward from the target sleep time, factoring in time needed for bedtime routine activities
Pro Tip: Add 15-30 minutes of buffer time to allow for unexpected delays or extra bedtime activities.
Avoiding Bedtime Battles
If just the word “bedtime” triggers resistance from your child, try these creative approaches to signal bedtime without confrontation:
Alternative Bedtime Signals
- Schedule a specific song to play at bedtime
- Use calming scents like lavender lotion or chamomile tea
- Link bedtime to regular evening activities (feeding pets, starting dishwasher)
- Automate light dimming in evening spaces
Sleep consultant Sarah Mitchell suggests using external cues: “At our house, we have a nightlight that turns on at 7:45 and plays music. It’s our cue that the bedtime routine is beginning. It’s great, because you can blame it on the light instead of yourselves.”
The Power of Bedtime Routines
Most children need time to wind down before sleep. A consistent bedtime routine helps:
- Prevent sleep resistance
- Prepare children physically, emotionally, and mentally for sleep
- Provide structure for multiple children
- Soothe separation anxiety
Dr. Tovah Klein of the Barnard College Center for Toddler Development notes: “The idea is that the routine is something the child has. It doesn’t have to be the same parent each night. It can be done by a caregiver or grandparent. Everybody does it slightly differently and the child gets used to that, but there’s a basic time and a basic order.”
Personalizing Your Routine
While common bedtime routines often include bathing, teeth brushing, and storytime, remember that sleep diversity means what works for one child may not work for another. Consider your child’s individual needs when creating your routine:
- Morning vs. evening bath preferences
- Length of wind-down time needed
- Preferred calming activities
- Family schedule constraints
The key is finding a routine that works for both your child and your family’s lifestyle, then maintaining consistency with that routine.
